That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
