He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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