just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
