What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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