It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
