Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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