So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
