Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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