coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.