Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.