btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
