My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He uses pillows to masturbate.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize