No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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