Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
