my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
