just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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