I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
