i permit you to call me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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