The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
