I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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