I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
