so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
