My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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