Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
