How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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