paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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