do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
