i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
