i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
