Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
being pregnant is like rehab
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
