Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
