I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
