I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
