I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I party with great urgency now.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
