tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
