i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize