good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize