Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
