If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Buhtt sex?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
