Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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