My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
