Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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