So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
