My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
