it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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