i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
