Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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