You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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