Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
