You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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