Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
