i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
