I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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