So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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