Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
