I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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