ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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