Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
