Who did Billy Mays play for?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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