Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
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She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
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someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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