her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
