the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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