who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you didnt know i had herpes?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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