You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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